I had a very recently bad experience that turned into having to go through tests because something had been found. One of the tests is today after lunch sometime, an ultrasound. I went into a deep omg pity me world I hate you! Because I was afraid that I would say ok let’s fix this problem now and not transition yet, put myself on hold yet again. Go back into my neat (Really messy) closet and pretend to be a girl again. Even had some pretty gory self destructive doubts going through my mind. On the bright side I just noticed today that I'm over it, and I'm like fuck that when the 14th comes and the doctor does my blood work I hope to be started soon. Like an early birthday present to me or something. In short insurance most likely will be paying for part of my surgery.
I'll of course be out of pocket a couple of grand and be off from work for a month at least but at least I won’t have to deal with what ifs later down the line. Or the oh noes you can't have that done because males do not have those organs. So I'm a bit cheerful, still a tad angry because I am still getting comments about I should try having a kid before I can't. Why do I fucking want to spit out a child? -Shudders- It's gross let someone else who thinks it's the greatest thing in the world carry a child for me. Other then that hell no I'm not going to go through that. Not to mention it would mean putting off my transition even longer.
I can't and I won’t go back into my box, hiding from the world who couldn't accept me even when I was trying so hard to be a femmie girl. Lol sadly some things I do classify me as a femmie boy, who cares. Besides I am the one who has to live with me no one else, ok other then Crystal =p. Today is just a good day; I'll have to break down and actually try to contact guys closer to where I am to well make contact. Lol I most likely will have to break down and go shopping for better clothes as well. I'm too big to do the skater boi look right now, even though those old pervy men who likes kids and still think I’m one hit on me.
Let's see what else? Oh well shoot the thought ran away because my pervy vampire who will see this knows what he's doing to me. Naughty vampires and their naughty ways. Anyway closing this out because it's time to get to work, want to get down to nothing again so I can slowly slink around the print shop doing nothing. =^.^= Nearly forgot Sairen has his flying mount now on farstriders. Even if he nearly died on his first time up, now to get my druid my squishy restro druid his first mount kitty.